never knew loving could hurt this good [2/23]

[thedreamthief]

They're in the Barns, in Ronan's room, the bed he's had since he was eight, a dream thing created by his father like so many other things in the house. Ronan can remember every detail, the exact pattern of the quilt, the dents and dings on the wooden bed legs made by errant skateboards and dog teeth and cat claws and carelessly discarded baseball bats. He can remember the dip of the mattress, the scent of his pillows, the strip of warmth from the sun peeking in through the window.

Adam fits as though he's always been here, the width of the bed expanding to hold him, to welcome him, blankets draping over his calves like an embrace.

They're tangled, legs entwined, bare from the waist up, Ronan with one arm under Adam's head and the other wrapped around his middle, fingertips tracing invisible patterns up the center of Adam's back. Noses brushing, Ronan breathes gently into Adam's mouth, still enthralled by the flush of pink across Adam's cheekbones, the line of his nose, the fall of dark eyelashes. Still amazed, even now, that he can have this even beyond his dreams.

In dreams, words aren't necessary. In dreams, Adam already knows what lies beneath Ronan's chest, all he wants and has to offer. In dreams, Ronan can press his lips to Adam's and paint his fingers over soft skin, can leave delicate, beautiful lines with only a touch and not worry that it's too much.

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[thedreamthief]

Adam's faith in him is staggering. If there's anyone who has little reason to trust any other human being, much less Ronan Lynch, it's Adam. Ronan feels his chest draw tight and he feels the soft heat of Adam's cock under his palm. He doesn't doubt Adam's sincerity in this; he can feel it.

All he can do is ensure it hasn't been misplaced.

Carefully, he reaches for the lube and smears some of it on one finger then shifts over Adam again, holding his weight on one arm as he slips his hand between Adam's legs with the other, gently encouraging him to spread wider with a nudge of his fingertip. He's not penetrating, just petting the soft stretch of skin behind Adam's balls, eyes locked on Adam the entire time.

"I will," he says, his finger slowly venturing further back. "Breathe for me, yeah? Let me in."

[incognoscibilis]

Adam only realizes that he's tensed when Ronan tells him to breathe and he tries, taking in a long, unsteady breath. It's not fear, just simple anticipation mixed with the uncertainty of something so new. Being pliant has never been his strong suit but for Ronan, he tries. Taking another breath, Adam opens his legs further and soaks in the warmth of Ronan's touch.

This is familiar. This is good. He just has to keep his body from reacting like his mind.

"Keep going," he says.

[thedreamthief]

Still watching Adam intently, Ronan does as instructed, brushing his finger further back to lightly circle and massage Adam's hole. His heart is already pounding, breathing shallow, and he leans down slowly, lips brushing the curve of Adam's jaw as he very, very carefully pushes just the tip inside.

He doesn't go far, slipping out soon enough, easing Adam into the feel of it as his teeth lightly find Adam's earlobe.

[incognoscibilis]

It's strange. Neither good nor bad. Ronan is tentative and Adam is still taut with expectation. His concentration is on Ronan's kisses, the sweetness in them that suffuses him with a perfect, happy warmth.

The bite to his ear makes him startle, body jumping with the suddenness of it and the spike of pleasure that follows. It's confusing to want that aggression especially when he so often revels in Ronan's gentleness. "You can..." He frowns, trying to articulate it, to understand it himself.

He reaches down and takes Ronan's wrist, directing him to press in again.

[thedreamthief]

The feel of Adam's fingers curling around his wrist, sure and careful and determined, punches a breath of air from Ronan's lungs. He lets Adam guide him for half a second before taking over, slowly slipping a finger inside, past the tight ring of muscle, in past the first knuckle, and then in, in, in.

"Fuck," he breathes, already overwhelmed. Adam is so hot inside, and soft. Ronan twists his wrist gently then pulls back only slightly, greedily soaking in the feel of him as he waits for Adam to adjust. Murmurs, "Holy shit, you feel incredible."

[incognoscibilis]

For a second, all Adam can do is breathe. Ronan might admire his hands but Adam finds more beauty in Ronan's, in all that they can create and do. In all that they manage to wring from him. "God..." he says, inching himself down on Ronan's fingers as it becomes more comfortable.

Leaning up, all he wants to do is kiss Ronan, to show again and again his trust.

[thedreamthief]

It's a good sound, pure pleasure as far as Ronan can tell, and it's confirmed when Adam rocks gently to take more of him, Ronan's fingers pushed in as far as he can reach. He's still unbelievably tight and Ronan keeps up a slow rhythm, pumping in and out as Adam shifts against him.

Adam's lips are parted and tempting, his eyes dark when they meet Ronan's. Gently, Ronan slips his finger free to line up two, easing them both inside as he ducks in to press his mouth to Adam's. The kiss is as unhurried as his touch, though Ronan's trembling slightly, overwhelmed at the sensation, licking into the heat of Adam's mouth as keeps a steady, slow rhythm with his fingers.

[incognoscibilis]

The second finger adds more pressure but Adam's not tensed against it anymore and it moves a little more easily, beginning to translate into real pleasure. The kind that builds slowly, threatens to become too much and then dances away from that edge when Ronan's fingers draw away.

Breath shallow, near a pant, Adam has to bite his lips, eyes closed, to suppress a low, tight sound that absolutely burns with wanting.

[thedreamthief]

Ronan ducks to mouth at Adam's jaw, his eyes wide, taking in every flicker across Adam's face, using it to steer him, fingers still moving smoothly in the tight, wet heat of Adam's body. Every shallow breath Adam takes is intoxicating, an addiction Ronan never wants to shake and he ducks to mouth along the skin of Adam's neck and down his clavicle, stretching him with slow, but eager movements until he has three fingertips nudging Adam's hole.

It's a slower push then, his lips parted against Adam's neck as he eases in, going no further than the first knuckle and waiting.

[incognoscibilis]

Again, he drags in a long, shallow breath, his body adjusting. It verges on too much, somewhere between pleasure and difficulty, but he nods that trust at Ronan once again. Even in the uncertain moments, he knows and trusts him.

"Yeah," he says. It's barely a whisper but saying it out loud feels important.

[thedreamthief]

Even after Adam's breath of approval, Ronan waits just a little longer, partially to give Adam more time yet to adjust, partially to keep him wanting, to keep him aching, and partially to draw it out for himself, to take a few more moments to admire the look on Adam's face right now, open and uncertain and vulnerable.

Trust is not an easy thing for Adam Parrish to gift anyone, Ronan knows. He doesn't take it lightly.

"Okay," he says eventually, a whispered sort of warning before he very gently eases his fingers in just a little further, wrist twisting to make the glide easier, gaze still locked on Adam's face, taking in every twitch and shift of his expression.

[incognoscibilis]

There's a moment when Adam goes rigid, draws a breath to tell Ronan to stop. Then he twists his fingers and, like the turning of a key, it eases into place and Adam pauses, can only stare at him in mute amazement. Leaning up, he grabs the back of Ronan's head and kisses him, sloppily, messily, incapable of stopping.

"Ronan," he says, just to be able to say Ronan's name, to know it's him all over again.

[thedreamthief]

Ronan groans into the kiss, lips parting instinctively, eagerly for the press of Adam's tongue as he keeps his fingers buried in the heat of Adam's body. It's not the easiest fit, tight as Adam is and the position a little awkward, but that doesn't stop Ronan from keeping a slow, steady rhythm.

His own cock hangs heavy between his thighs, but he doesn't feel like rushing, still moving his fingers gently in and out as he breathes with Adam. "You still want to?" he asks, still careful even now. "Do you want me in you?"

[incognoscibilis]

"Yeah," Adam says, not really even stopping to think. His voice is a rasp and he presses against Ronan again, a hand sliding from Ronan's chest and down to palm at Ronan, stroking him with shaky fingers. "Yeah, Ronan. I want to. I want you." It's silly and plaintive, the words repeating themselves, but it doesn't change how he looks at Ronan and how he feels.

"How do you want me?"

[thedreamthief]

The curl of Adam's fingers around his length has Ronan shuddering, hips arching forward instinctively as his head drops forward.

"Fuck," he breathes, taking a moment to collect himself before letting out a quiet, awed laugh and gently easing his fingers from the tight clench of Adam's body. Resting back on his knees, Ronan reaches for the condom packet and rips it open, sliding it onto himself with unpracticed, slightly shaky hands.

He glances up at Adam as he smears a little more lube over himself and then leans forward again, hooking one hand beneath Adam's knee. "Like this," he says, though he knows it won't be the easiest position. "I want to see you. That okay?"

[incognoscibilis]

Adam nods again. He knows that the position is a little awkward, knows it just as well as Ronan does, but he also can't deny himself the chance to see Ronan's face as he sinks into him, to watch it distort when he comes. Reaching out, he slides his hand against Ronan's own shaking one and thinks about how this is almost a reversal of the first time they tried this. Adam certain and trusting, Ronan with shaking hands.

Moving a pillow into the small of his back, Adam eases himself down against the mattress until he's spread out for Ronan to see. To have. "I'm ready."

[thedreamthief]

It's Adam who grabs a pillow to rest at the small of his back, Ronan watching with wide, overwhelmed eyes as Adam shifts and arches, spreading his legs in open, trusting invitation.

Breath caught in his throat, Ronan shuffles closer, skimming his hand up Adam's calf and over his knee, curling over the thick muscle of one thigh, supporting and spreading just a little more as he leans forward to catch himself on his other arm.

"Think I might need a minute," he says, his voice low and teasing even as he means it sincerely. He ducks to press a kiss to Adam's lips, keeping it slow and sweet as he guides Adam's leg to loosely wrap around him. "You look fucking incredible like this," he murmurs when he breaks away, dropping the brush of a kiss to Adam's jaw then.

[incognoscibilis]

He laughs softly and turns to smudge a kiss along Ronan's cheekbone. There's no seeing what Ronan sees. In his own eyes, when Adam looks into his reflection, he mostly sees thin, wiry, scarred. He doesn't see what Ronan sees. He doesn't see what makes him worthy of Ronan Lynch,though he knows he's glad of it, impossibly happy about it.

"We both know you're the pretty one, Lynch," Adam says, turning for a proper kiss. The reason the humor is convincing is Adam's own belief in it.

[thedreamthief]

"Fuck that," Ronan says, breaking the kiss with a rough laugh. Because they both know Ronan isn't pretty and they both know Adam would never agree to being described as such either. Not even with his delicate cheekbones and full lips, the noble slant of his nose and elegant fingers.

No, Adam Parrish isn't pretty -- he's fucking beautiful.

Ronan knows better than to say so out loud.

Still grinning, he tips in for another press of Adam's lips, sinks into the feel of Adam's hands on his skin, the breadth of his spread legs and open heart. He pulls away moments later, breathless, head ducked as he reaches down between them, taking hold of himself and guiding forward, the tip, slippery, nudging at the tight pucker of Adam's hole.

[incognoscibilis]

There's so much they're not saying. There's so much they don't need to say and so much they do. Right now, words go elsewhere as Adam braces his hands on Ronan's shoulders, changes angles a little until it becomes easier to take Ronan into his body.

Like his fingers, the first press is odd, foreign-feeling, and then Adam remembers to breathe and looks up, his eyes fixed intently on Ronan.

He's struck with the need to say I love you and bites his lip, demanding care of himself. They're weighty words and he can't just throw them at Ronan.

[thedreamthief]

It isn't an easy thing. Adam's tight, his body unyielding despite the preparation and Ronan has to angle his own hips slightly along with Adam's. His grip tightens on the sheets beneath Adam's back as he eases in, mouth falling open as slowly, slowly, slowly he presses in.

His eyes find Adam's, locking on dark hazel and he has to pause when he's barely even in, has to swallow down all the words that threaten to bubble from between his lips.

"Fuck," he allows eventually, shuddering as he sucks in a breath. Then, carefully, rolls his hips forward once more, sliding gradually into the amazingly tight heat of Adam's body.

[incognoscibilis]

"Yeah..." Adam laughs a little, not quite hysterically, but the sound is loaded with emotion and the feelings that shudder through his body already. The motion is slow and he's grateful for that as his body accommodates Ronan, accepts him in. Adam's own cock flags a little, laying along his stomach. Every brush of Ronan's body against his and every second that lets him adjust sparks something back up.

Reaching out, he cups Ronan's faith in his hands, eyes wide and a little lost, amazed. "It's good," he says.

[thedreamthief]

Adam reaches for him, fingers grazing the curve of Ronan's jaw, drawing him in close as, once again, Ronan pauses above him. His heart is hammering, everything too hot too good too much as he stares.

"Good," he agrees, though it's a massive understatement, though they aren't at all the words he actually aches to say. Swallowing tightly, he pulls his hips back, nearly slipping out before pressing forward once more, pushing in deeper with a shuddered breath. "Shit-- Really fucking good. Holy fuck."

It'd be easy to get lost in this, he thinks. In Adam's wide, trusting eyes and spread legs, in the hitch of his breath and warm, welcoming body. In his tender, bruised heart, still so wary, but opening for Ronan, letting him in little by little.

[incognoscibilis]

He holds tight to Ronan, laying himself back in the mattress, trying to arch his back, to angle his hips, anything to make it a little easier so that the pleasure overtakes the strangeness. It does. It will. But Adam knows how it can be, the smooth glide of two bodies, the fit.

"You're...I'm okay, I think. If you want..." The pressure of holding still, of going slowly, is starting to push at him. He wants Ronan, trusts him.

[thedreamthief]

Adam's foot slides up his back as he arches, letting Ronan slide in deeper. He's still soft between them, but his eyes are locked on Ronan's, his tone low and words wanting. He doesn't finish his sentence, but Ronan has no difficulty interpreting nonetheless and he lets out another shuddered breath, barely managing a nod.

"I want," he says, voice shaky and lets himself press in deeper now, up to the hilt, buried in Adam's heat. "Fuck, I want. Adam." He eases back slightly then back in, folding slightly so his weight is on one elbow, lips a breath above Adam's as he starts up an easy rhythm.

He can barely breathe through how it good it feels, Adam's body wet and willing and tight around him, legs spread and curled, Adam's breath warm on his lips. It feels impossible, even now, that this is happening, that Adam could trust him enough for this, could want this. There are still words on the tip of his tongue, too much, too heavy to be said despite the ache. Despite however much he wants to let them out.