all we do is think about the secrets that we hide

[thedreamthief]

There's nowhere to drive in this fucking town.

Ronan's been over every inch of asphalt and dirt road in the entire city, multiple times. The scenery never changes. Neither do the people. It's the same goddamn thing every single time he drives, and he doesn't choose to stop.

This cage isn't Henrietta and never could be, but the air through the window still feels good and the familiar rumble of the Pig beneath his feet is a comfort.

None of that changes with Adam at the wheel.

It's quiet. Still. Ronan won't delude himself into believing that everything is still okay. He still has trouble making himself sleep, still wakes up in fits and starts with new sorts of nightmares, ones involving needles and metal restraints instead of claws and beaks. Adam is still wary and Ronan is still careful and there is no filling the hole Gansey left behind.

But the days pass and they're still here.

Adam takes a familiar left turn and the trees become a canopy, shielding the sunlight from view as the Pig slows. Ronan hadn't been aware of any specific destination tonight and he glances over with a raised brow.

"I've always wanted to get dirty in a car," he says, smirking. It isn't a lie.

Comments

[incognoscibilis]

"It might, in fact, be just that," Adam agrees.

Ronan looks at him then and Adam's left wondering if he's done something extraordinary. It's the only way to explain the softness in Ronan's face, the one that's melted all of the hardness from him. It's not the Ronan from before Niall Lynch but Adam thinks he's getting, at last, a glimpse of the person Gansey once knew.

Adam moves in front of Ronan and hugs him, just presses them together as hard as he can, as if they're the two fabled halves from Plato's Symposium.

This doesn't fix all the ways that they're broken, but it fills in the cracks and lets them heal.

[thedreamthief]

Adam moves to stand in front of him, his expression unreadable for a moment before he wraps his arms around Ronan and pulls him in close. It's not a hug Ronan's expecting and he laughs again, turning his head to brush his nose in Adam's hair, his one good arm curling easily around Adam's middle.

Adam's holding on tightly, hard enough that Ronan can feel his chest expand as he inhales, rib to rib and hip to hip, bodies connecting like pieces of a puzzle.

"Any particular reason for that?" he asks as he pulls back a little, nearly grinning now as his hand rests low on Adam's side.

[incognoscibilis]

"Because I could," Adam supposes. He lets Ronan pull away but only for a second before he drops his head on Ronan's shoulder once more, breathing in the quiet of the moment. It's not Darrow or Cabeswater that makes Adam feel this way. It's Ronan who leaves Adam feeling safe. Still. Loved.

"Because I said it and I know it's true."

[thedreamthief]

Ronan lets out a sound at that, a low, pleased sort of groan as he lifts his hand from Adam's hip to his jaw, tipping him just enough for Ronan to easily press a kiss to his lips, slow and deep and lingering.

He makes himself pull back before he can get carried away, laughing faintly as he grins down at Adam. "You keep saying that and I'm just gonna keep fuckin' kissing you," he says, letting his hand slide down to rest over Adam's shoulder. It feels like a gift, is the thing, one he can't ever take for granted, particularly given his recent behavior. It feels like everything.

[incognoscibilis]

"I'm okay with that." It feels heady, silly, being able to just kiss like teenagers. They've never been children, not really, but they're still young and suddenly Adam wants to celebrate who they are and what they are. He wants to be eighteen and unburdened, unafraid, with his boyfriend.

In love.

God. He's in love.

[thedreamthief]

Adam's smile is luminous, though Ronan isn't sure how much of that is truly Adam and how much is Cabeswater. For half a second he wonders if he's dreaming after all, if he's asleep back at Hywel and the forest is only manifesting his deepest desire. Except Ronan has spent a very long time knowing the difference.

This is all Adam.

Still grinning, Ronan leans in for one more kiss, nipping almost playfully at Adam's bottom lip before he pulls away again, dropping his hand into Adam's instead and giving a tilt of his head. "Let's go find Verity before I do something fucking unspeakable to you against a tree."

[incognoscibilis]

"Am I going to have to call off work for the whole week when that cast comes off?" Adam's breath is slow to return after those deep, hungry kisses until he remembers where they are and just how many creatures or people might stumble across them at any moment.

(It shouldn't thrill him, but it does.)

"We could always just go straight home, I guess."

[thedreamthief]

"Tempting," Ronan admits with another flash of a grin, meaning both the thought of making Adam call in for a week and that of going straight back to Hywel right now. He takes a moment to let his gaze wander down the length of Adam's body and back up again before pulling him closer, nose to nose.

"Or we could just do it out here," he says, his grin sharp now. Dangerous. "Cabeswater can hide us if I ask. You know it will."

[incognoscibilis]

"I'm not worried about Cabeswater hiding us," Adam confesses. "I'm worried about it watching." There's a lot he trusts Cabeswater to do and to be but not voyeuristic is honestly not one of them.

But Ronan's warm against him and Adam is stupidly aware of the hard planes of his body, the way he smells, and how much he loves.

[thedreamthief]

"Exhibitionism not your thing, Parrish?" Ronan says, still smirking as he slides his good hand down the dip of Adam's spine, letting it rest there, fingers curling in the fabric of his shirt, drawing it upward inch by inch.

With a tilt of his head, his lips ghost just over Adam's and he lets out a soft breath. "I promise the trees won't get off on watching us if that's your worry."

[incognoscibilis]

"I didn't...bring anything," Adam says, his voice tripping against the warm fingers across his back, the not-kiss just above his mouth. It's his last token protest before he's out of reasons.

Reaching a little into himself, into the earth beneath him, Adam desperately begs Cabeswater to look elsewhere.

[thedreamthief]

They've had this discussion before, however briefly. Ronan's never been with anyone else, not in the way he has been with Adam. But Adam has and it's important to him to be safe.

"I can dream whatever we need," he points, his fingertips smoothing over the small of Adam's back now, just beneath Adam's t-shirt as he brushes a bare kiss, then adds, "We don't have to if you really don't want it. We can go back."

[incognoscibilis]

Of course he wants. He's uncertain but he knows that he wants and loves Ronan, only wants to be with him. There's no risk, only...

"We don't have to do that," he says. Ronan's fingers against his skin are enough to make him shiver. They have hands, mouths. They have stupid young love and lust and so much desire. It'll make a good prelude for when they get home.

Kissing Ronan, Adam slides hands down his back, cupping his ass. Teasing.

[thedreamthief]

Adam kisses him again, almost sweetly even as he shivers beneath Ronan's fingers. Hands wander, slipping down to grab Ronan's ass and Ronan lets out a quiet, muffled laugh as he shifts his own hand to Adam's hip, holding on tight while walking him the four feet backward til he's pressed against a tree.

He moves his arm just in time so as not to pin it between Adam's warm body and the rough back of the tree, arches his hips forward to hold Adam there, lips curled in a grin as he pulls back just enough to whisper. "Still here for it, Parrish?" he asks, his good hand now slipping between them, fingers skimming down the front of Adam's jeans, teasing him through denim. "I can stop if you want."

[incognoscibilis]

It's stupid, impulsive, the kind of thing he shouldn't do and that's why Adam delights in it. He grabs Ronan's face for a kiss, sweet and messy just because it reminds him that they're alive and that this is real.

The giddy sensation thrills through him, mixing with the physical reaction to Ronan's touch. Barely anything and he already can't help nudging his hips forward, pulling Ronan forward to him.

"I don't want."

[thedreamthief]

His cast is annoying, but at least manageable without the sling and Ronan has no difficulty keeping Adam pinned as his thumb hooks over the top buttong of Adam's jeans, slipping it free.

He grins into Adam's kiss, teeth catching Adam's bottom lip before he immediately dives in for another, rougher than the first. Wetter. He has no idea if Cabeswater is watching, if the rustle of the trees is its approval or just a breeze. Frankly, he doesn't care either way. He pops free another button and then slips his hand inside, feels the hardening length of Adam's dick over cotton with a pleased groan.

[incognoscibilis]

Adam curses softly against Ronan's mouth, a sweeter imitation of Ronan cursing simply because he has to say something. The image, the memory, of all the times they've done this hum through Adam's mind and he can't help thinking of pushing Ronan back, reversing the positions, dropping to his knees for Ronan.

Rolling his hips forward, Adam takes Ronan's shoulders carefully and nudges at him, trying to communicate the suggestion.

[thedreamthief]

Adam rocks his hips forward, hands on Ronan's shoulders and Ronan only grins before leaning in more firmly, shifting press his own erection against the just of Adam's hip as he slides his hand lower, low enough to skim his fingers along cup Adam's balls gently.

"My turn," he breathes, teeth lightly scraping Adam's jaw as he slips his thumb in the gap of Adam's boxers, finally skimming bare skin.

[incognoscibilis]

It's rare that Ronan demands, pushes, asserts any kind of dominance in moments like this. What he's doing is the barest push and it still puts a shiver up Adam's spine, makes him rasp out, "Okay," against his mouth as he grinds down against Ronan's hand.

"Your turn."

[thedreamthief]

Part of him isn't expecting Adam to give in so freely, to give himself over. But the way Adam shivers is entirely unmistakable and Ronan feels a thrill rocket up his own spine as he twists his wrist again, clumsily shoving his hand fully beneath the waistband of Adam's underwear to curl his fingers around hot, hard flesh.

Closing his eyes, Ronan asks Cabeswater to shield them, not willing to share this moment with anyone, but especially not with strangers, and then drops to his knees, leaning forward to press warm, opened-mouthed kisses to the flat plane of Adam's trembling belly.

[incognoscibilis]

"Shit," he says, the word catching around a gasp and a laugh. Ronan, who handles him so carefully, is being assertive in a way that turns him on more than he thinks they've ever realized. By the time Ronan kisses his stomach, Adam's biting his lips.

One hand smooths down Ronan's skull, fingertips catching on the barest stubble. The other moves with shuffling hips, trying to get his boxers and pants at least around his knees, giving Ronan access.

[thedreamthief]

Ronan glances upward, watches the way Adam stares down at him, his hand smoothing over Ronan's head, hooking around the back of his neck. He mouthes down the center of Adam's stomach, one hand on Adam's hip as he moves lower yet. His chin brushes the tip of Adam's cock as he mouths down the trail of hair below Adam's belly-button and he finally turns his head enough to kiss down the length, feeling the tremble that runs through all of Adam in the purse of his lips.

On his knees like this, it feels like nothing less than worship. Appropriate, Ronan thinks, as he looks up at Adam again, the late afternoon sun streaming through the trees making Adam's skin golden. Perfectly fucking appropriate.

[incognoscibilis]

He's caught between the impulse to close his eyes and think only of the sensation and the impulse to look down and stare at Ronan until he can believe this is real. Sun-streaked, the forest warm and alive around them, it feels like a dream, no matter how familiar the carnal is. There are parts of Adam that need reminding that he gets to be this, to be loved.

The kisses are light, a damn tease, and Adam bites down on a strangled noise, fingers going tight at the base of Ronan's neck.

[thedreamthief]

The sounds Adam's making already are more than enough to have Ronan hard in his jeans. He has to shift a little, knees bumping against a raised root as he readjusts himself then runs his hand up Adam's legs, fingers curling briefly at the bunch of fabric just above his knees.

"Shit, you have a gorgeous cock, Parrish," he breathes before lapping at the tip with a broad swipe of his tongue. He hums at the taste, eyes still lifted as he sinks onto him slowly, sucking just at the tip as he slides one hand up slowly along the soft skin of Adam's inner thigh.

[incognoscibilis]

Ronan shifts beneath him and every motion reverberates against Adam's skin. It's so real and vivid and so clearly not a dream because each sensation is real. Because when he fantasizes, Ronan never says something so goddamn pornographic with his mouth open over his cock.

"You can't just say shit like that," Adam says, voice tight.