caught out?

[thedreamthief]

In truth, Ronan has been trying very hard not to consider what it is he's doing with Kavinsky. He hasn't mentioned it to Gansey or Adam, hasn't really seen a need to. It's not like he's hiding anything; he and Kavinsky aren't doing anything sordid.

Hell, what they're doing might actually save someone's life. Provided the pills actually work.

It's midday by the time Ronan leaves Cabeswater, tired but not worn. There's a buzzing under his skin, different from the one he gets fighting or racing, though it's no less of an itch. He considers stopping into visit Adam at the garage, but heads to Hywel instead, certain Adam would likely only roll his eyes and tell Ronan to leave him alone until his break.

Cinnamon's lounging in the back when Ronan gets there, blinking at him with her huge, liquid eyes before turning her attention back to the grass, not seeming to care that it's much a dream thing as she is.

He checks on the chickens next, popping into the coop to pick out three fresh eggs, and then heads to the upstairs to rinse them off.

He doesn't notice Noah until Noah is directly beside him, but he barely flinches, lips instead curling into a scowl as he hands Noah an egg. "Put this in the fridge, will you?"

Comments

[iwasmore]

"What will you do with the hens when they can't lay anymore?" Noah asks ominously, staring blankly at the egg. He looks back over at Ronan instead of going to the fridge. "Are you going to eat them?"

[thedreamthief]

"They're dream chickens," Ronan replies, expression unwavering. "Who says they'll ever stop laying eggs?"

[iwasmore]

Noah's brow furrows, and he looks up from the egg, still cradling it in his palm. "Why didn't you just dream eggs, then, instead of making them lay them?" he asks.

[thedreamthief]

"Because I wanted some fucking chickens," Ronan says, gently rinsing off another egg before turning to face Noah, his hip rested against the sink. "I'm not holding them at gunpoint, they're chickens. They lay eggs. What's the problem?"

[iwasmore]

"Don't you think it hurts?" Noah blurts out in a quiet burst of almost petulant emotion, and nearly crushes the egg in his hand. He kind of wants to throw it in Ronan's face. He doesn't know what he wants. He thinks maybe, for the first time, he understands that stupid fight club.

[thedreamthief]

Ronan frowns, finding Noah's sudden burst of anger more confusing than the stupid-ass question.

"Dude," Ronan says, still gently cradling the egg in one hand as he crosses his arms over chest, his frown unwavering. While Noah has definitely been moody and sullen since his break-up with Krem, even this feels a little extreme. Noah isn't acting like Noah -- if anything, he's acting like Ronan.

"What the fuck's going on with you? This isn't about fucking chickens."

[iwasmore]

"Nothing," Noah says, setting the egg on the counter. He doesn't want to help Ronan raise the animals, he's just going to go off with Adam and leave with all of them anyway.

He stares at the egg, and then looks back to Ronan, eyebrows slightly raised.

"I know what you're doing with Kavinsky."

[thedreamthief]

It's sure as fuck not nothing and Ronan narrows his eyes, jaw clenching when Noah turns to face him again.

Noah's deflecting, Ronan knows, and he arches an eyebrow, lips curling into a sharp grimace. "Yeah? And what the fuck do you think I'm doing with Kavinsky?

[iwasmore]

Noah shrugs slightly, his body otherwise still, staring at Ronan with an unreadable expression.

"Making medicine," he says simply. For someone who's dying of something a spell can't fix. Strange, how that can be true when he's dead and here and nearly human. Nearly.

[thedreamthief]

Given Noah's tone, Ronan hadn't been expecting him to actually get it right, but it's still not a surprise. Noah's a ghost. Even he hadn't been flickering in and out of existence, he can read people's thoughts. Usually without even trying.

And Ronan's been spending a fair amount of time lately thinking about cancer cells and metastatic rates and fucking genomes. Of course Noah's picked up on that shit.

"You gonna get pissy about it?" he asks, still scowling. He feels like he's missing something, some important piece to the conversation. He's felt that a lot lately with Noah. "We're trying to help someone, man. Kavinsky'll probably try selling whatever it is we make, if we get it to work, but fuck it." It's a possibility Ronan's already considered, but he figures if it comes to that, he'll just dream the same shit up himself and give it away.

[iwasmore]

Noah gives Ronan a level gaze.

"Yeah, Ronan, I'm real mad you're trying to save someone's life," he says flatly. "No, I'm not pissy. But you'd better be careful. The wrong medicine could hurt him worse." And neither Ronan or Kavinsky are doctors as far as Noah knows. Ronan, at least, he knows is smart. It used to frustrate Gansey and Adam endlessly back at Aglionby. All that potential and no scholarly ambition.

"I'm surprised Kavinsky is being so altruistic, though."

[thedreamthief]

"Yeah, you and me both," Ronan replies, turning back to the sink to finish rinsing off the last egg, frowning down at his own hands. "We're being careful, though. It's fucking complicated shit, but he's being monitored frequently and Kavinsky's got dreaming drugs on fucking lockdown so it's a good start."

Turning off the faucet, Ronan wipes his hands off on his jeans and faces Noah again. "I'll handle Kavinsky, alright? I don't know what shit he's got planned, but I'm watching him."

[iwasmore]

Noah nods, gazing off into the distance as he sometimes does, like he's hearing or seeing something that isn't even here. His eyes eventually drift back to Ronan, finding him turned toward him.

"Do you think he's going to do something bad?"

[thedreamthief]

"Maybe," Ronan answers with a shrug because even now, even after looking through the files, after meeting Lee himself and taking him to Cabeswater, after dreaming with Kavinsky, he still isn't sure. None of it fits the Kavinsky Ronan remembers street racing back in Henrietta.

But Ronan also knows better than most that people change. For better or worse.

"If he does, I'll be there," he adds, turning to walk out of the kitchen, reaching to pull his shirt off over his head as he goes.

[iwasmore]

Noah follows Ronan with a faint smile. He's always liked Ronan's bravado, his confidence, his intense need to keep others safe, even while putting himself in front of danger time after time like he's testing it to see how far he can push it until it wins.

He gazes at the tattoo on Ronan's back, looking for new patterns. "Kavinsky isn't so bad," he says, almost wistfully. "I met him once. He didn't even know who I was." Noah giggles, off-hand, remembering how he felt like a spy, when really there was nothing to spy on.

[thedreamthief]

Ronan turns then, lips curled in a scowl as he wads his shirt in one hand and adjusts the talisman around his neck.

"What do you mean he isn't so bad?" Ronan snipes, hackles rising once more. It shouldn't be surprising that Noah's met Kavinsky, or even talked to him. "He's a fucking psychopath."

[iwasmore]

"Fine, I won't tell you," Noah decides, stubbornly sullen. "You'll just get mad."

His frown disappears, turns back into a wistful smile when he sees the thin gold chain around Ronan's neck. He gently smacks his palm against the talisman and leaves it there, covering it, and beams up at Ronan. "You're wearing me."

[thedreamthief]

Noah's hand is cold against Ronan's bare chest, palm spread to press the talisman in place.

"Sounds weird as shit when you put it that way," he says, ignoring the confusing shot of warmth that shoots through his veins. He swats at Noah's arm, not hard but enough to dislodge. "And what aren't you telling me?"

[iwasmore]

"Doesn't get much weirder than a ghost," Noah says with a smile, and moves his hand away.

Noah half leans against the wall, shoulders slouched, hands shoved in his pockets. He shrugs. "About me and Kavinsky. But it's not important." It had been a weird day, almost like a dream, like maybe the kind Ronan sometimes has. Noah can never remember his when he sleeps now, or maybe he doesn't even have any.

[thedreamthief]

"The fuck it's not important," Ronan says, still watching Noah with a deepening frown.

His skin tingles where Noah's fingers had been but, more than that, is the tingling beneath his skin, Kavinsky's name on Noah's lips enough to invoke that familiar itch to punch something. "What happened?"

[iwasmore]

"It really isn't," Noah snaps, irritable. He has been, lately.

He rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling. It's so far up, all metal beams and bright lights. Noah considers disappearing to evade the question, but he knows Ronan will never let it go. Which means it's either lie, or just tell him.

"We smoked, and he kissed me. It was dumb. Nothing to get worked up about," he says, already knowing Ronan will. Noah toes at the ground and glances up at his taller friend.

[thedreamthief]

"You fucking smoked with Kavinsky?"

It's that Ronan acknowledges first, rage and disbelief boiling under his skin as he stares at Noah. "Was it his shit? The fuck, dude, do you have any idea what he puts in that shit? And you let him fucking kiss you?"

[iwasmore]

"I'm a fucking ghost, Ronan!" Noah shouts, every ounce of upset that's been pent up since he moved back in exploding into that sentence. He even knew Ronan would freak out, and it still makes something in him snap. "You really think Kavinsky's weed can do anything to me? You think him kissing me can do anything to me? Do you think I'm five?"

[thedreamthief]

"He's a fucking psychopath," Ronan shouts right back, louder now for having to repeat himself. "And so what if you're a fucking ghost? You're tied to your fucking body now or some shit," he adds, grabbing the talisman around his neck as though to prove his point. "Even I don't know what he puts in the shit he dreams up. It could fucking kill you, or send you back, or who the fucking even knows, Noah."

Ronan's absolutely livid, crowding into Noah's space, hands balled into fists and his fury only further spiked by Noah's. "You know what he's capable of. You know."

[iwasmore]

Noah stands his ground, staring back at Ronan. He wants to tear the talisman from around his neck, but Ronan's holding it.

"You kissed him," is all he says, his voice flat, mouth drawn thin. He doesn't mention how bad he'd felt, after he kissed Kavinsky. How ashamed. How Krem didn't even care, but he should have, Noah thought. The guilt had been enough to choke him, but all Krem had been was understanding.

Noah doesn't know how to be human, and he doesn't know how to be dead, either.

[thedreamthief]

It's not a lie. It's not even a fucking secret. But it makes Ronan's blood boil all the same, his lips curling.

"That why you did it?" he asks, purposefully goading despite knowing the answer. "You wanted to know what it was like to kiss a fucking shitstain of a human being? Christ, Noah, you could've kissed me instead! When the fuck did this even happen? What about Krem?"

[iwasmore]

"Why would I kiss you?" Noah goads back, making a face like Ronan is the last person he'd ever want to kiss. But he wouldn't have, even if that isn't true. It wasn't like he was looking for someone to kiss, it just happened. "It was forever ago, and Cremisius didn't even care. You're the only one who ever cares! You never approve of anyone. You don't even like Cremisius."

[thedreamthief]

"Why would you kiss him?" Ronan shoots back, stepping in close now, practically vibrating. "And how the fuck did Krem--"

Ronan stops himself if only because he doesn't actually know how to finish. He's never understood Noah's attraction to Cremisius just as he's never understood Cremisius himself or the relationship they had. He'd fucking tried, for Noah, but he'd never managed it. And it doesn't even fucking matter anymore.

"Are you just going for the lowest fucking denominators?" he says then. His fingers itch. The wall is only two feet away. "You're worth a fucking hundred Kavinskies and Krems, asshole! What the fuck are you even doing with them?"

[iwasmore]

Ronan practically has Noah pinned between his bare chest and the wall at Noah's back. He feels crowded in, like he can't breathe, which is stupid, since he doesn't even need to.

"I'm not doing anything with anyone anymore, now, am I?" Noah says, voice only wavering a little. He's breathing hard, now, trying to keep from crying. He wants to defend Krem, but he doesn't need to. What's the point? And how is it that Ronan can compliment him and wrap it in so much scorn that twists it into something mean?

"It was just a kiss. It didn't mean anything. He was nice to me," Noah says, trailing off. He doesn't even know why he's bothering trying to justify something so inconsequential to Ronan anyway.

[thedreamthief]

"Nice? Jesus fucking Christ!"

Ronan cuts himself off again, slamming the butt of his hand against the wall and using the leverage to push off, away, arm swinging to violently send the upright lamp crashing to the floor.

Kavinsky isn't nice. He's manipulative. He's cruel. He's fucking dangerous. Ronan knows him, gets him in a way no one else can. They aren't friends, they never could be. They're two beasts made of the same cloth, Kavinsky representing everything Ronan is still terrified of becoming.

"Kavinsky has two fucking boyfriends," he says then, something like betrayal coiling under his skin as he flings his arms wide. "You hoping to be his third? That what you really want?"

[iwasmore]

Noah flinches when Ronan shoves the lamp, sending it crashing to the ground. He can't understand how one stupid kiss could get him so worked up, what it is about him that sends Ronan into such a frenzy any time he's done anything intimate with someone. Nothing he says seems to make any difference, so he plays into Ronan's ludicrous suggestion.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I want, Ronan. A romantic dinner at White Castle followed by a drug-addled orgy. That's me, you've got me all figured out."

[thedreamthief]

"He fucking tried to kill Matthew," Ronan growls, ignoring Noah's dripping sarcasm.

In truth, Ronan still has trouble imagining everything Adam's told him about that night. He believes it, fully. But being told something and living it are two very different animals.

His lips are still curled, hands balled into fists. He's several feet from Noah now, defensive and ready to strike both at once. "Or at least some fucking version of him did," he amends, eyes dark. "And you think he's nice."

[iwasmore]

Noah just stares at Ronan. He knows what Kavinsky did, he heard about it, too. But he did less with Kavinsky. Way less than Ronan. And it was probably mostly the weed. Yet he's getting the third degree like he and Kavinsky are off to freaking elope or something.

He's just not in the mood.

"You're being the worst right now, Ronan," he says, and wanders away toward the living room.

[thedreamthief]

"Then fucking go haunt someone else," Ronan snarls in reply, angrily knocking a chair to the ground before stomping to his room and slamming the door behind him.

He yanks the necklace off next, throwing it carelessly onto his nightstand before flipping his stereo on, volume cranked high. He crashes onto his bed, glaring up at the ceiling like he might be able to set it on fire with his eyes alone.

If only he could dream Kavinksy's dick into oblivion.

[iwasmore]

Noah appears, invisible, in Ronan's room, simply to yell back fine, but when he sees his necklace dangling half off the nightstand he gets another idea. He drains the room of heat and appears, slowly, at Ronan's bedside near the necklace, faded and glassy-eyed.

"What have you done to me?" he asks mournfully.

[thedreamthief]

Ronan feels Noah before he sees him, a familiar chill settling around his room and seeping into his skin too quickly to be natural. His stomach plummeting, Ronan sits up, eyes wide and heart pounding as he looks at the talisman hanging precariously from the nightstand.

"Fuck."

Scrambling off the bed, Ronan grabs the necklace, expecting to find a crack or a dent that hadn't been there before. It doesn't seem any different from moments ago, Ronan turning it this way and that, hurriedly brushing his fingers over the metal. "Noah," he breathes, voice tight. "Noah, how do I fix it?"

[iwasmore]

"Nothing," Noah says, and begins to fade away, becoming increasingly less visible. "You broke the spell, and my heart." The last word comes out no louder than a whisper, and Noah disappears from view. The chill around Ronan dissipates.

A moment later Noah pops back up, whole and solid and smiling mischievously. "Just kidding!"

[thedreamthief]

For a moment, all Ronan can do is stare, heart hammering as all the blood drains from his face. Noah's not even a ghost in front of him, only the echo of his voice hanging in the air.

Ronan stares down at the necklace, the gold pendant heavy in his palm--

And then nearly jumps right out of his skin when Noah pops back up right in front of him.

"Jesus fucking Christ," Ronan growls, an intense wave of relief overwhelming the flash of immediate irritation. Snarling, Ronan lunges for Noah, slinging an arm around his neck to pull him into a headlock, necklace still held firmly, protectively, in his other hand. "If you weren't already dead, I'd fucking kill you," he says, though the tone of his voice is almost light. For Ronan, at least.

[iwasmore]

Noah yelps in surprise, and then laughs, loud and bright, before tackling Ronan backwards onto the bed while still in the headlock. "You should have seen your face!" he says, breathless, grinning down at him.

"I gave you my necklace because I trusted you, you jerk," he continues, reaching for Ronan's fist to take it back. "You aren't supposed to throw it around."

[thedreamthief]

They topple onto Ronan's bed, a mess of limbs, Noah grinning wildly above him. Ronan pulls his hand away when Noah reaches for the necklace, refusing to give it up and twisting to keep it out of reach.

"It's not like I threw it off a cliff," he protests, but he's smiling himself now, too relieved to be angry. "How the fuck does it even work anyway? Do you turn back into a ghost if it gets scratched or what-the-fuck-ever?"

[iwasmore]

Noah rolls his eyes and stops trying to take his necklace back. Instead he stretches out on top of Ronan, folding his hands on top of Ronan's bare chest, and then resting his chin on them.

"I'd just go back to what I was before the spell. So basically, I'd probably eventually decay," he says ominously. He can't be too anxious, though, because the spell has stopped it, and he never feels like he's disappearing anymore. "So be careful. Adam and Dorian worked hard on that spell."

[thedreamthief]

Ronan lets the chain fall from his grip once Noah stops reaching for it, the pendant still nestled in the palm of his hand, the metal warming to his skin. He brushes a thumb over the markings before eyeing Noah who seems pretty comfortable resting on top of him, chin perched on Ronan's chest.

"I'm careful," he promises, closing his fingers around the necklace once more before giving Noah's head a rough, but playful smack with his other hand. "You gonna fuck around with Kavinsky some more?"

[iwasmore]

Noah just smiles, head lolling to the side a moment at the smack. He'd give one back, but he isn't in the mood. He found a comfortable spot right where he is.

"Yeah," he says with a yawn. "Gonna go over there, make out, take some meth. Same old, same old."

[thedreamthief]

Fighting a smirk, Ronan gives Noah's temple a quick flick before carding his fingers through Noah's hair, tugging just a little roughly as he drops his head back against the pillow.

"Gansey's gonna be so disappointed in you," he says, a threat only because it's probably true. But only if Ronan shares what he knows.

[iwasmore]

Noah closes his eyes halfway when Ronan tugs at his hair. He almost asks him to do it again, but doesn't want to be weird. He just likes having his hair played with, like he's part cat or something.

"You gonna tell on me?" he asks, smiling sleepily. He isn't worried about a dad lecture from Gansey.

[thedreamthief]

"Maybe," Ronan says, because it's not really a lie. He could do it. But they both know it's not likely he will. There's every possibility Gansey will find out on his own eventually anyway.

He keeps his fingers in Noah's hair and lets his own eyes drift shut. He's surprisingly comfortable like this, Noah's weight weirdly comforting, and the necklace still held tight in his other hand. He still doesn't like the idea of Noah making out with Kavinsky, it still makes his blood go cold and his skin itch, still sits heavy in a way he doesn't want to look at too closely. But Noah's here now. Noah's choosing him. Trusting him.

He'll do his best to believe in that.