(no subject)

[thedreamthief]

Ronan tosses the ball into the air, catching it one-handed in his palm and watching as its insides swirl with black and purple and red. The mix curves and bends as Ronan squeezes its soft outsides, realigns in a way that Ronan knows has nothing to do with gravity as he tosses it into his other hand, a burst of yellow streaking through its inner galaxies once its airborne.

It settles once again into purples and blacks when it's caught in Ronan's other hand and Ronan keeps it there as he pushes open the front door of Graymark Books and steps inside.

The place isn't entirely empty, but it's not packed either and Ronan looks over the tops of the bookcases as he wanders, in search of a familiar face or two. It occurs to him after a few minutes that Jack's probably in school right now or whatever the equivalent might be in a place like Darrow or for a kid as special as Jack.

Luckily, it's Luke Ronan spots just then, making out his hair first and then his voice as he helps an older lady looking for books on car maintenance.

Ronan gives him a nod when Luke happens to glance up long enough to catch his eye, but hangs back, idly bouncing the soft ball off the side of the nearest book rack, grinning as the glitter inside swirls a lovely black and gold upon impact.

"Hey," he says once Luke's finished up with his customer, bouncing the ball again and catching it tight in one hand. "Jack around?"

Comments

[notaretriever]

"Not today," Luke answers, watching the ball bounce with interest for a moment, then turning his gaze back to Ronan instead. "School started up again, so he's back to it for the mornings right now."

Even having Jack spending all day with him for such a short period of time has resulted in Luke missing him greatly now that he's back to school. It isn't as if he's not busy with the store or that it's very long without Jack, because Luke has to go pick him up at lunch, and then they have the entire afternoon together, but it's still been an adjustment. He'd like having Jack around in the store.

"Did you only come here looking for him?" he asks, then smiles. "And be careful, you might hurt my feelings."

[thedreamthief]

Ronan's lips twitch into something that's almost a smile as he gives an easy shrug.

"Guess your company's good enough," he says before tossing the ball lightly at Luke. Once again the glitter inside flashes yellow until it hits Luke where it turns a beautiful mix of silver and red. "Brought this for him, thinking Pegasus might like it. Pass it on for me?"

If Ronan's here for any other reason, he's not saying so just yet. He's never really known how to ask for a listening ear, usually avoids that shit in favor of smashing his fist through the nearest wall. But he feels like he's been hitting his head against brick for months now and nothing's getting any better. So fuck it.

[notaretriever]

Luke reaches up and catches the ball when Ronan throws it, werewolf reflexes working in his favour as the ball lands easily in his hand. It's beautiful and he looks at it for a moment, watching as the colours shift and realign in a way they shouldn't, and then he nods and looks back at Ronan.

"From you?" he asks and he doesn't simply mean as a gift. He means it's from Ronan, a part of him, something he'd created in the same manner in which he'd created Pegasus. It's probably not a question that really needs asking, he's never seen anything like this before.

[thedreamthief]

It's worded vaguely enough, but also precisely enough that Ronan isn't worried about who might be overhearing as he nods in affirmation. It might mean someone sliding up to ask him where he bought it, but he's fine with telling them to fuck off if he needs to.

"Should be unbreakable so don't worry about getting glitter all over the floor," he adds though he isn't honestly sure if what's inside is actually glitter. The dream had been pretty unclear on that, just that the swirls of color seemed to flow like water, weaving and constantly changing, morphing into one another based on impact and body heat and auras. In truth, Ronan's not really sure how it works exactly, but it looks nice, at least.

[notaretriever]

"I'm friends with Magnus Bane, there's always glitter somewhere," Luke answers with a soft snort of laughter, having long since adjusted to it. It had been the same in New York, those days following Clary's sessions with Magnus filled with Luke finding glitter in his pockets and sprinkling out of his hair. Magnus had once managed to get some inside only his left boot and on one particularly memorable occasion, Luke had fished glitter out of his ear.

"It's beautiful," he adds. "I'm sure Jack and Pegasus will both love it."

Pegasus is currently upstairs, motionless and quiet, but Luke knows he won't remain that way for long once Jack is home. He loves that dog, as he loves most things, hungry for knowledge and interactions with the world.

[thedreamthief]

Ronan's smile falters just a bit at the mention of Magnus, but Ronan manages to keep his mouth shut. Whatever bullshit the guy likes to pull, Ronan knows he's popular and he's not nearly as big of an asshole as Kavinsky, who has somehow managed to seduce half the fucking town, including Blue of all people.

That's enough to put a shitty taste in his mouth, yet another reminder that he can't hide from fucking any of this bullshit for very long at all.

"Hope so," he says with a shrug, not bothering to hide his grimace. There's another thought at the back of his mind, another reminder of how fucked everything is, but he pushes on anyway. "Also, I dreamt up a gift card you should know about. For here," he says with a vague gesture. "It was a Christmas present for someone, but every time it's used money goes straight to the store. You won't lose out on anything, I promise."

[notaretriever]

"Oh," Luke says, surprised for a moment before he laughs. "Well, I appreciate the business."

He doesn't ask how it works, because Ronan says it does, and he trusts that well enough. He has a system set up to use general credit card gift cards, so he imagines whenever he's presented with the one Ronan created, it'll process much the same way and that's fine by him. He'll need to mention it to Reid, in case he's working at the time, but it's mostly Luke here anyway.

"That must make gift giving a little more interesting," he says with a thoughtful smile. "You can really be as creative as possible, can't you?"

[thedreamthief]

"Depends on the person," Ronan admits, thinking immediately of Adam. Of course with Adam, gifts are tricky whether they be dream things or not. It's a never-ending challenge finding something that he'll accept without complaint, something that doesn't cost too much in money or work, something useful and thoughtful all at once.

With anyone else, it's easier. Typical Adam.

"Probably take advantage of it a little," he adds with a hint of a smirk. "Now that I know how anyway."

It's then Ronan notices a woman glancing over, clearly interested in their conversation and Ronan stares right back at her, eyebrow arched until she hurriedly looks away.

[notaretriever]

This is still his store and Luke gives Ronan a look, though he's more amused than anything, and moves over to ask the woman is she needs help finding anything. It's a book on growing herbs in her apartment she's looking for, so Luke helps her find something suitable, rings her through, then sends her on her way, with a free Graymark Books reusable bag, since she didn't bring her own and Luke refuses to use plastic.

"They're still my customers," he reminds Ronan when he returns to him, then smiles. "So do you have any plans today or are you staying here? You're welcome to, of course, it's nice to have the company between customers. I'm not particularly busy today either."

[thedreamthief]

Ronan lingers as Luke hurries to help the woman, showing her to a few books on growing herbs before he rings her up and send her on her way. He's not feeling particularly guilty about his behavior -- customer or not, she could mind her own business -- but he shrugs all the same as he idly pulls out a book on herbal identification, starts flipping through it without thought.

"No plans," he admits, glancing up at Luke again and considering. "Sure you don't mind? I mean, you'll be on a short fucking list of people who don't despise me if so."

It's uncharacteristically self-deprecating of him to say, but also true as far as he's aware. And where, normally doesn't give a fuck what people think of him, normally he enjoys making people uncomfortable, there are some areas where it's starting to wear.

[notaretriever]

"I certainly don't despise you," he says. "I did my best to keep the people whose company I detest off my wedding guest list."

There's something else going on, something more than just an off-hand comment. Ronan doesn't usually speak of himself like that, but Luke doubts he's going to get an honest answer if he suddenly begins to push, so he lets the comment hang in the air for a little while. If Ronan wants to talk to him, he will eventually, and Luke is suddenly beginning to think there's a reason he's come beyond passing on the ball to Jack.

"I don't mind," he says. "You're always welcome here, no matter what else might be going on."

[thedreamthief]

There isn't a part of Ronan that doubts Luke means what he says, wedding list or not. A silence settles over them for a moment, Ronan returning his attention to the book in his hands though he's not really reading it at all. There's an itch under his skin still, gnawing and familiar.

But maybe he didn't show up here just to leave a dreamed up ball for Jack. Maybe Luke's the only person in Ronan's life who might actually listen to him without getting pissy. If Ronan can first figure out how to talk instead of just throwing his fist into a wall.

"Told you my dad died a few years ago, yeah?" he manages finally. It's not at all what he wants to talk about, what he needs to talk about. But fuck it, small steps. "Murdered, actually. With a crowbar. I was the one who found him. Found out after he was gone that he's the same fucked up breed as I am, but he never saw fit to tell me jackshit. About anything. Think that's just a Dad thing?"

[notaretriever]

"No," Luke says after a moment of consideration. "I don't think so."

Luke's own father was long dead and he doesn't have that experience, but he knows himself and he knows how he would have treated Clary. He would have told her in a second if Jocelyn had allowed him, he hadn't wanted her to find out in the manner in which she did. He'd never wanted her to be afraid of him, but it had happened all the same because Jocelyn had refused to let him tell her.

"I'm sorry," he says. "About your father. That you were the one to find him. That must have been awful."

[thedreamthief]

Ronan only shrugs because it's hardly the first time he's heard that sentiment. Years of hearing it have numbed him to the pitied looks in Henrietta, deafened him to the hushed tones. It's not the same from Luke, of course, but the prickling under his skin is similar.

"It sucked," he says after a moment, blunt in his honesty. "And afterward, shit kind of changed. Before-- I wasn't like this," he adds, trusting that Luke will know what he means. That he wasn't so gruff, wasn't such an asshole. Wasn't... Ronan. "Gansey was the only friend who stuck with me through it all. And Noah." Though, looking back, he can't actually remember when Noah came into their lives or if he'd always been there somehow.

He pauses then, partially because he doesn't know where he's going with all this and partially just to take a break. He's never been good at talking. Then asks, "You know them? Probably Noah, at least. Noah's friends with everyone."

[notaretriever]

Luke shakes his head, because the names aren't familiar to him. "I don't," he says. "At least, I don't think I do. It's good you had people who did stick with you, though. Sometimes something awful happens and people don't know what to do. They find it scary or they're unable to recognize what becomes of the person after a trauma and they put as much distance as possible between them."

His mouth lifts into a faint smile. "Trust me. That's something I know."

No one stuck with him through his change. Not a single person, not even his sister. He understands why Jocelyn couldn't, that protecting Clary had been more important than their friendships, but thinking of Amatis still makes his chest ache.

[thedreamthief]

He isn't surprised that Luke doesn't know Gansey, but only because Darrow is enormous compared to Henrietta. Everyone in Henrietta knew Gansey, partially as the kid with a powerful mother and partially as the kid weirdly obsessed with a dead Welsh king, but here it's like an entirely different world. And that feels like half the problem. For however many problems Ronan had with Henrietta, he'd never really imagined leaving it. He'd never ached for that kind of change.

And he's been forced to deal with it for nearly two years now.

But Luke's understanding has him wondering for the first time, brow furrowing as he says, "So, uh... when did it happen?" he asks, still aware of the few remaining customers. Because he's never really asked how Luke became a werewolf, how he is what he is. And it seems like a good time.

[notaretriever]

"I was nineteen," he says. "It's been nearly twenty years."

He's quiet for a moment, then, satisfied no one is listening, he looks at Ronan and says, "I was set up by my best friend at the time. He wasn't a good person, he was trying to hurt people who didn't deserve to be hurt. People who were kind and who were following the laws set down. In some cases, children. We were raiding what he told me was a rogue werewolf clan, but they were just a frightened family. I caught him burning the eyes of a little girl with silver coins and when I rescued her from him... well, that was the end of it for me."

He smiles and shrugs. "He expected me to die from the bite and when I didn't, he told me I should kill myself before bringing such embarrassment to my family. I didn't do that either."

[thedreamthief]

"That's a long fucking time." It's a blunt statement, delivered duly and without a hint of humor. Because that's longer than Ronan's been alive.

He's quiet as Luke continues, his frown deepening with every word. Despite what he's seen from Luke, despite the monster in the alley and the sword and all that shit about the precious cup, there's so much Ronan still doesn't know. So much he'll likely never know.

"And that's a shit friend," he adds when he thinks Luke's stopped for the moment. He pauses then, still watching Luke curiously. Wondering. Then: "Did you ever tell them? Your family."

[notaretriever]

"My father died when I was little and my mother left us not long after that, so there was only really my sister to tell," he says, thinking of Amatis and how much he still misses her, even after all this time. And even after all the things she said to him. There would be work to do if she was willing, but he knows he would be, beyond any doubt.

"She knows. She told me the same thing Valentine did," she admits with a small wince. "It wasn't exactly the best parting I could have hoped for and I haven't actually seen her since. I don't blame her, the culture we grew up in, the pressures that were being put on her... she lost everything after I was bitten. Valentine forced her husband to leave her so he could become his second in command and he couldn't have his second married to someone whose brother was a werewolf. Or someone whose brother had once been his second and had betrayed him."

[thedreamthief]

"Jesus Christ," Ronan breathes, realizing in that moment how fucking petty his own issues are. Sure, he's a veritable monster who can destroy as easily as he can create, but his entire family didn't turn their backs on him for it. His father did, in a way. And Declan. But even Declan at least pretended to care in his own way.

And Matthew... well, knowing what he does now, Matthew only sort of counts.

But the point is, he's had some sort of support. As fucked as everything is now, as splintered as he feels from the people he once considered as close as family, no one's gone that far. "You didn't have anyone?"

[notaretriever]

"No, not really," he answers. "I had my pack, but that was weeks after the change and there was always tension there, given that I'd once been a Shadowhunter. They never completely trusted me." Even though he had been their leader, their alpha. It had never entirely felt like home and that's why he had left Alicante for New York.

"I had a friend, Clary's mother, but the friend who set me up to be bitten, he was Clary's father and she suspected they might be in danger from him, so they left. Went into hiding. It took me five years to find them."

And it had taken Valentine fifteen years to do the same.

[thedreamthief]

What Ronan knows of Luke's family he's only picked up in bits and pieces over the past year or so. He knows about the cup and that sword and a little about whatever a fucking Shadow Hunter is. It all still sounds fucking ridiculous, but Ronan figures most people would say the same thing about a guy who claims to have a link with a sentient forest and a best friend obsessed with a dead Welsh king.

If Ronan can even call Gansey his best friend anymore.

"You're life's shit, man," is all Ronan says, letting out a huff of a laugh as he shakes his head. "'Least it's better for you here, yeah. With, like. Spencer and Jack and this place. You've got a good life now."

[notaretriever]

"No, it isn't," he answers with a shake of his head. "Bad things have happened to me, but all in all, I've been happy more than I've ever been sad. My New York pack was my family, I had ten years raising easily the funniest, smartest and most incredible child I've ever met, I had a successful business in Manhattan, I had a wonderful life there and I have a wonderful life here. I've been very lucky."

The bad things that have happened are simply part of that story. He can't fool himself and pretend he's been some saint, someone who's just suffered greatly and for no reason. At one time, Luke was the villain of the story, even if he hadn't realized it at the time.

[thedreamthief]

"So you'd go back then," Ronan replies, eyes narrowing a bit as he tries to interpret what Luke is saying. He sounds genuine, is the thing. He sounds like, despite all the shit about his family rejecting him and his best friend betraying him and being turned into a fucking werewolf, that he does think he's led a good life.

And Ronan can't help wondering how a person can get to that point? To be happy with life despite all the bullshit. All it took was one devastating event in Ronan's life and his entire world came crashing.

[notaretriever]

Luke laughs a little at that and shakes his head again. "Not necessarily. I'd like to combine the two lives, although I know that's not possible. I miss Clary and I miss New York, but I also don't want to leave Spencer or Jack behind. It's not such an easy decision as choosing one or the other. Both lives have made me happy and while I would love to spend the next fifty years getting to see Clary go through her life, she's also an adult now. She needs me less than Jack does."

That isn't entirely true, he knows she still needs him in the same way Alec and Isabelle need him, but Jack is a child and he has so much to deal with. So much Luke wants to help him with.